"Identity theft is a growing problem, Tom. The personal information you willingly gave about yourself exists forever in the digital ecosystem. That gives savvy technical people lots of opportunities to steal your identity and destroy your finances."
"I didn't realize it was that easy."
"Identity theft is less worrisome than what government entities could do to you. Look how the IRS has been used to attack political enemies. Now imagine what government entities can do when they know EVERYTHING about you! That's why I called you today, Tom. I called to help you."
"Help me how?"
"You know those new anti-terrorist scanners they use at the airports? Well, at your age, you might want to consider switching from briefs to boxers."
"That, sir, is an outrage. I demand to know who you are and what you want!"
"Sorry, Tom. That information is private."