Tom Purcell

Nixon: Despite the fact that you are the most partisan president in modern history — despite the fact that America is more divided now than it has been in half a century — you need to portray yourself as the most bipartisan president in modern history. You need to reach out to Republicans and pass a few bills together. Tax reform would be a good place to start. Maybe you can make adjustments to your disastrous health care bill. Compromise for once.

Obama: I'll try, Dick, but what is the point of compromising?

Nixon: Because as more Americans see their premiums spike and their policies canceled, you can pin the blame on Republicans!

Obama: You are brilliant, Dick. What else?

Nixon: I'd hold off on the vacations and golf outings. Roll up your sleeves. Invite Republicans over to the White House to work through disagreements. Be more transparent. Do what the people who voted for you expected you to do. Do it right, Obama, or you will pay a great price.

Obama: What price, Dick?

Nixon: To atone for my presidential sins, they made me listen to LBJ speeches for months. I sat in on Carter Cabinet meetings for years. For goodness' sake, Obama, you've been given a precious gift to lead the greatest nation on Earth. So lead already.

Tom Purcell

Tom Purcell, author of "Comical Sense: A Lone Conservative Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!" and "Misadventures of a 1970's Childhood," is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist syndicated nationally by Cagle Cartoons. Visit him on the web at