"This is your eyewitness news team, reporting from the big, posh April Fools' Day party at the Dewdrop Inn out at Moot Point, overlooking Dyer Straits. Everybody who is anybody is here.
"There's the karate expert Marshall Artz, timber heiress Lotta Wood, famous meteorologist Cole Winter, the British boxing sensation Battler Hastings, and the gossip columnist N.U. Endo. There's insurance magnate Justin Case and Ivy University's dean of students, N. 'Loco' Prentiss.
"Let's talk with one of the guests. Excuse me, sir, what is your name?"
"Are you related to that famous social justice advocate?"
"N.V. Mann? Yes."
"How are you enjoying the party?
"Frankly, I am here only because my wife dragged me here."
"You don't like the party?"
"As Robinson Crusoe said, 'I don't like this atoll.'"
"As Napoleon said, 'What's your beef, Wellington?'"
"Oh, just the food, the drinks, and the people."
"Well, let me move along. Here's the famous author I. Wright, whose latest best-seller is a steamy novel about India titled 'Whose Sari Now?' Incidentally, you look great in those long, flowing robes. Were you born in India?"
"But I'll bet you did a lot of research in India?"
"Yes, mostly in the Punjab."
"What is it like to live in a country completely different from the Western world?"
"Actually Indians are not cut off from the Western world. For example, a friend of mine in the Punjab is obsessed with Western classical music."
"Likes his Beethoven and Bach, does he?"
"He's really obsessed with Haydn. He's a Haydn Sikh."
"Thank you. Let's go on to talk with some more guests. Here's the famous psychiatrist N.D. Nile, that sweet-looking actress Candy Barr and her sister Minnie who, I believe, is involved in hotels."
"Yes, I am. I have also had some hostel takeovers."
"Not everyone has been successful, of course. Over there is the well-known architect whose firm just went bankrupt -- Frank Lloyd Wrong. Let's go over and see what he has to say.
"Sir, this is your eyewitness news team, checking up on how you are doing."
"Terrible! I am suffering from hardening of the arteries, curvature of the spine, cirrhosis of the liver . . ."
"Rumpole of the Bailey?"
"I understand that you are also an artist."
Unreal: Medical Society of NY Tells Doctors to 'Follow Twitter' to Stay Informed on Ebola | Cortney O'Brien