Suzanne Fields

The long-running war between the sexes is often interrupted by brief ceasefires, usually to enable fraternizing with the enemy, but some of us are ready to stop the fighting and go home -- alone. Same-sex marriage has brought partisan politics to a boil, and now no-sex marriage is coming at us from Europe.

Eija-Riita Eklof-Mauer, a Swedish lass of indeterminate age, is carrying the torch for what you might call a very substantial lover. Soon after she married him nearly 18 years ago he was set upon by a horde of vengeance-seekers, armed with hammers and chisels, and soon the lover was gone with the wind. The bride had fallen in love with the Berlin Wall. She legally changed her name to Eklof-Mauer, because "Mauer" means "wall" in German, and now she's a young widow. "With the emotional bonds, deep love, good memories together with him . . . the only way to survive is to block this terrible event," she wrote in her diary of the day the wall dividing East and West finally fell.

As my columnist-colleague Dave Barry would say, "I am not making this up." The Widow Eklof-Mauer suffers a bizarre sexual obsession with a scientific name, called "objectophilia." She is scientifically called an "objectumsexual." Not everyone with the obsession has a thing for buildings, but many do. Some objectophilians are hung up on cars, laptops, musical instruments and even toy trains. They can even feel arousal, which is sad because this kind of love is necessarily unrequited. But unrequited love, as we all know, can be the most magnificent obsession of all. Literature is full of it.

Another young woman, identified in the academic literature only as Sandy K., is a widow, too. Her "husband" was the World Trade Center. She regarded the Twin Towers as male, sexy and extremely desirable, and it doesn't require the diagnostic skill of a sex therapist to figure out the why and wherefore of her fantasy. Her sad story is told by Spiegel Online, the authoritative German newsmagazine. "When it comes to love," she says, "I am only attracted to objects. I couldn't imagine a love affair with a human being."

Suzanne Fields

Suzanne Fields is currently working on a book that will revisit John Milton's 'Paradise Lost.'

Be the first to read Suzanne Fields' column. Sign up today and receive delivered each morning to your inbox.

©Creators Syndicate