Suzanne Fields

If Iraq's National Museum had not been looted, the conspiracy theorists - the antiwar, anti-Bush commentators and protestors - would have had to invent the story. Instead, they merely invented the story of how it happened.

Here are some of the interpretations racing across the Internet from loony to loony. George W. Bush is a cultural dunce, who wouldn't know a 5,000 year-old Warka Vase from a Mexican flower pot from Wal-Mart. He didn't care about the artifacts. (It's not like they're Rembrandts or Leonardos or even Elvises on velvet, he said to himself.) Besides, his cronies who are rich collectors, now get a chance to buy the real stuff on the open black market: They can bid on that cuneiform accounting table (1980 B.C.) when it turns up at a Christie's auction. The Web site of the World Socialists describes "the politics of plunder" as a preface to stealing the oil wells.

Such notions coincide with the BBC's report from Baghdad claiming that Iraqis now live "in more fear than they have ever known."

Sure they do. When Saddam's torturers pulled out teeth and tongues with pliers, raped, beat and murdered young women in front of their fathers and gassed innocent men, women and children, the Iraqis were all happy campers. But the brutish Americans, who made sure not to drop their bombs on museums and put themselves at risk of life and limb to spare civilians, are the scary ones.

Wasn't it a shame they had to bomb that nice General Ali Hassan al-Majid, chief of the state security service, who murdered Iraqis without trial just for his own amusement? He was also known as "Chemical Al" because he kept a pantry full of mustard gas and sarin nerve gas left over from his party with the Kurds.

The Bush-haters can't find much flawed strategy in this war. The death of every man, woman and child is a personal tragedy, but casualties were slight compared to other wars, and this one lasted only 21 days. Museum looting was all the critics had left. If the Americans were careless about guarding the museum and library, Washington should say so, but lots of questions need answers before we flay ourselves for what happened to missing artifacts.

For openers, we shouldn't rule out the possibility that Saddam Hussein had already looted the museum of some of its finest pieces. He wouldn't be the first dictator to realize that there's money in art and antiquities. Hitler sent out the director of the Dresden Museum to find the best paintings in occupied Europe to add to the collection of the Fuhrer, who as we know, was a failed artist before he became a failed fuhrer.

Suzanne Fields

Suzanne Fields is currently working on a book that will revisit John Milton's 'Paradise Lost.'

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