Steve Deace

Laws that deny public expression of urination are just another example of the government regulating what we do with our own bodies. Until these laws are repealed, and people like Foley affirmed their right to urinate on whichever consenting adult or inanimate object they choose, none of us can trust our rights will be defended. For if one group is denied their freedom then it’s just a matter of time before “straight shooters” – slang for those who prefer to urinate into toilets (or on them, depending on their aim) – will also be threatened.

Some of you are sure to be offended by what Foley has done, but how dare you judge Foley until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes (or spent some time in his chair). Besides, someone cannot change the way they were born thus it’s not right to shun Foley simply for acting on his nature. The chairs were empty, remember, and surely the urine dried by the time the women returned to work the next morning. Foley wasn’t doing anything that harmed anybody else, and it’s not like you can spread some disease via airborne urine.

If that reasoned argument doesn’t persuade you, then answer this simple question: how has Foley being able to act on his urination orientation negatively impacted your urination? If it hasn’t impeded your “stream” of consciousness then what Foley is doing is none of your business and you should urinate when and where you choose and permit Foley to do the same.

Granted, the chairs Foley was urinating on were someone else’s property, but that’s simply because neither his employer nor the government provided the means by which Foley could properly apply his urination orientation. If Foley had access to chairs pretty girls once sat on to urinate in, he wouldn’t have to urinate on the chairs he actually did. That’s not even addressing the fact that if the government doesn’t provide Foley chairs to urinate in, he’ll continue doing it after hours in chairs that could be faulty. Faulty chairs may collapse, thus putting Foley in jeopardy. We don’t want people being harmed by collapsing chairs in back hallways do we?

That’s exactly why the state ought to be providing those chairs for Foley and others like him. It could potentially save lives, not to mention some chairs (which is good for the environment). Then the state should make sure the next generation of kids in our schools doesn’t succumb to the same intolerance and lack of diversity towards urination orientation that their fundamentalist parents and grandparents have victimized folks like Foley with.

Furthermore, the company Foley used to work for should not only give him his job back, but also provide employees such as Foley “urination stations” to be utilized when the urge strikes. Of course adding language to the company diversity curriculum informing Foley’s co-workers of the vital necessity of recognizing urination orientation in the workplace, and the important contributions to society urinators have made throughout human history (think of how many important people in history have been bed-wetters, for example), should be immediate actions any good corporate citizen would immediately agree to.

Given the fact a company like Farm Bureau would prefer to avoid looking like an agent of intolerance in the media, I’m confident it will do exactly that.

Some of you reading this will bristle at recognizing both the normalcy and necessity of people like Foley being affirmed and accepted for just being who they are, but many of you also bristled at things 20 years ago you’re readily accepting now (or at least tired of fighting over).

Nevertheless, even if those questioning or struggling with their urination orientation aren’t accepted by your generation, rest assured they will be by your children once we’re through enlightening them. Soon you will see more urination in your classrooms, and all of the best and most likeable characters on your most popular television shows will urinate freely on-screen. We’ll even have clergy arguing that the Bible affirms urination in all its forms.

And we’ll have a pioneer like Foley to thank for it. Who knows? Maybe Sean Penn will even play the part of Foley in his biopic one day?

Steve Deace

Steve Deace's nationally-syndicated radio show airs coast-to-coast each weeknight from 9-Midnight eastern, including many of the Salem Radio Network's top conservative talk stations in markets like New York City, Houston, Philadelphia, Seattle, and Minneapolis. His radio program has been featured in major media such as Fox News, CBS News, ABC News, CNN, MSNBC, The Washington Post, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Politico, The Weekly Standard, and National Review among others. In 2013 he wrote the second-most shared column of the year for USA Today, defending "Duck Dynasty" and traditional American values. In addition to being a contributor for Town, Deace is also a columnist for The Washington Times. He is also the author of the new book Rules for Patriots: How Conservatives Can Win Again, which includes a foreword by David Limbaugh and is endorsed by a who's who of conservative leaders. You can follow him on Twitter @SteveDeaceShow.