- Perhaps the reaction of Poland's President Aleksander Kwasniewski would not be buried - or perhaps it would be buried farther down. He said: "It is really sad that a senator with 20 years of experience does not notice the Polish input into the coalition and the Polish sacrifice. It is immoral . . . it is something immoral not to note the commitment which we embarked upon [because] we accepted this challenge convinced that terrorism had to be fought, that we had to show international solidarity, and that Saddam Hussein was a threat to the world."

- Kennedy's Sept. 27, 2002, comment ("We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction") and Kerry's Oct. 9, 2002, comment ("I will be voting to give the president of the United States the authority to use force - if necessary - to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security"), would be understood as the Tweedle-Dum, Tweedle-Dee comments they are - giving the lie to his rush-to-judgment comments about the war now.

- In pretending to be the moderate he is not, the candidate would be able to run but he couldn't hide.

Or if John Kerry's name were, say, George W. Bush:

- He would not get away with campaigning routinely in minority churches, while having the "religious right" deplored as a malevolent influence. But possibly he would wonder at his opponent's depiction of him as manipulated - driven - by an "extreme right-wing ideology."

- If he and his running mate separately had cited the daughter of his opponent's running-mate as "a lesbian," he would be ripped to shreds for malign campaign practice.

- Likewise, he would be ripped for applying the very "litmus test" for judicial nominees that he condemns in his opponent.

- And he would be loudly derided for suggesting he could bring into the anti-terrorism coalition the same German and French regimes so hostile to the deposing of Saddam he says he still supports.

- Imagine what they would say about his heavy suntan and his goo-goo windsurfing at the height of the campaign.

- His many "plans" to "Iraqify" the enterprise still costing American lives would be widely compared to Richard Nixon's similarly voiced "plans" for withdrawal of American forces under the rubric of "Vietnamization." Kerry the Slickster would be likened to the Trickster himself.

- And comparing his opponent to Teddy Kennedy three times in the last debate might be seen as perfectly defensible.

- The economy - from job growth and inflation-adjusted consumer spending, to productivity increases and manufacturing spending growth, to low mortgage rates and highest-ever levels of home ownership - might not be dismissed as somehow insufficient.

- And if Kerry (named Bush) were to have the most conservative lifetime voting record of any member of Senate, he would be blasted daily as dismally unacceptable in a society wherein anyone with a brain regards himself as unequivocally moderate.

. . . If his name were Teddy Kennedy, so if his name were George W. Bush: John Kerry, oddly the stealth candidate making his way as an undetected liberal under the radar, would be able to run but he wouldn't be able to hide.