The other standout media item came courtesy of USA Weekend, where the editors got an early start in the April 4-6 edition by presenting a guide for having a “green” wedding.
“Think about a daytime outdoor wedding and reception – no need for electricity or lighting,” said Millie Martini Bratten, editor in chief of Brides magazine, who, along with other experts, dispenses loads of methane, er, ideas for having “a green wedding without sacrificing style or taste.” You folks in Minnesota, North Dakota and Alaska will probably have to put off your big day until August. No word on whether mosquito repellent is advised, though.
Brides (read: mothers of the bride, too) are instructed to worry not only about all the usual monstrous details of the matrimonial event but to incorporate these tips:
- Have the wedding and reception “in the same place so you won’t have to decorate two spots or travel from one to the other.” (Hmm. Savings like this could turn thrifty Dads into tree huggers in no time.)
- Choose locally grown or produced products. ”To ensure sustainability, work with each vendor,’ advises Kai Robertson of the World Wildlife Fund. “Ask for Marine Stewardship Council-certified seafood, chicken raised without antibiotics, pasture-raised or grass-fed beef and fair-trade coffee.’ It may cost more (no kidding) but you can cut back in other ways. ‘Serve [smaller] bites tapas-style,’ Bratten says.” (Better not invite any cowboys or football players. They get hooongry.)
- Invitations? “About 500,000 trees every year are used to support weddings in the United States,” another expert darkly warns. “So opt for invitations that are printed on recycled paper, and buy from companies that use wind power.” Or, better yet, you can skip paper invitations altogether by “e-mailing your guests.”
- Wear a used wedding dress or make yours from “eco-friendly fabrics such as hemp, silk, organic cotton or bamboo.” Nothing says “I do!” like a bamboo veil. How about a burlap train for that dress?
- The honeymoon? Forget Hawaii, Niagara Falls or the Poconos. “Consider signing up for eco-tours…seek out hotels and resorts that are recycling….”
- Finally, make your guests feel special by “making a donation in lieu of individual favors” to one of the environmental groups whose Web sites USA Weekend helpfully provides. That should save some time.
Any environmentally sensitive brides-to-be who are not utterly discouraged by now and have thrown themselves on a couch crying can contemplate this: Maybe it’s all a media plot to discourage marriage and therefore breeding of new humans who will grow up to consume cheeseburgers and thereby ruin the earth.
Or the bride-to-be can forget the “green” nonsense altogether, enjoy the guilty pleasure of watching a video of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and get back to arguing over the guest list.