Rich Galen

Pakistan's best run chase was 12 years ago when it scored 315-9 against Australia in Karachi after being set 314. The highest fourth-innings total to win a Test at Lord's was the West Indies' 344-1 chasing 342 in 1984. Pakistan, which lost Butt leg-before-wicket to Hoggard, will have a maximum 80 overs today.

  • I know. It reads like a random series of words but Pakistan lost Butt leg-before-wicket, not LBW.

  • And why don't we just see if we can't get though the rest of this without any sophomoric jokes about "Pakistan lost Butt."

  • Every year at this time the Department of English & Comparative Literature at San Jose State University announces the winners of its annual "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest" in which people submit the worst opening paragraph they can concoct.

  • The contest is named for Edward George Bulwer-Lytton who, in his 1830 book, Paul Clifford made literary history when he wrote: "It was a dark and stormy night …"

  • This year's winner was Jim Guigli, who wrote:
    "Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."

  • I forgot, again, that the deadline was approaching so my entry didn't get to San Jose in time. Here it is:
    Stan stood on the rear bumper, having finished loading the SUV making certain that every square centimeter of space was filled. "It's not for nothing," he said to his wife sitting patiently behind the steering wheel, "that I've always been called 'Pack It' Stan."

    Just then, his wife started the engine and put the vehicle in gear causing Stan to overbalance, his foot stuck in the bumper, scraping the skin off his backside.

    The next day the headline read: "Pack It" Stan Lost Butt.

  • I coulda been a contender.

  • On the Secret Decoder Ring Page today: The full list of winners in the bad writing contest; the definitive definition of a leg-before-wicket foul; two unretouched Mullfotos showing how hot I have been over the past two weeks and a Catchy Caption of the Day you'll want to see.

  • Rich Galen

    Rich Galen has been a press secretary to Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich. Rich Galen currently works as a journalist and writes at