Tell the truth. You took a peek at the FIFA World Cup final yesterday from Berlin, just so you could go to the office today and agree with every other American that, while the World Cup may the world's biggest sporting event, that does nothing to detract from its standing as the world's most boring sporting event.
I watched the first half from Landini's Restaurant in Old Town. When I walked in France was leading one-nil …
I had this one-nil, two-nil discussion with someone the other day. He was whining about why American sportscasters insisted on saying a "match" had been won by a something-nil score. "It's a game and the score is something to zero."
I said I had been following sports for a long time and I had never heard anyone talk about someone winning a tennis game six-zero. One wins a set six-love.
… and I asked if the French restaurant on North Lee Street was still open.
When the Italian team scored on a header off a corner kick a few minutes later, I decided to have another Peroni Birra.
A guy walked in and asked what the over/under was. I said, "Two."
All the men laughed, and then explained to their wives what the "over/under" means, and how it is they know this.
Having been in Europe and the Middle East for the past two weeks I watched many of the quarterfinal matches and both of the semifinals. If you are outside the US during the World Cup and you don't watch, you have nothing to talk about during the day because that is all everyone else is talking about.
England used only one striker? I saw that. I was shocked!
I said that for three straight days and people nodded and looked at me admiringly.
I can do that with Cricket, too: "Oh, my. I would have sworn that was a leg-before-wicket foul."
In fact, I can do that with almost any subject, which is how I get through most of my TV appearances:
The chances of the Democrats taking control of the House? They'll get no closer than half the seats they need.
The Law of Conservation of Angular Momentum? I can run circles around that one.
The dark art of Edvard Munch? So easy I could scream.