The first step is to remember that you are the adult - and it is critical to act like one instead of responding in turn.. You have to love your teen enough to be willing to make yourself vulnerable to rejection over and over again; to keep your temper in check, and to always respond in unconditional love. It is your reaction in the midst of the “mumrruphs” and “umphs”, that will have the greatest impact on teaching him how to communicate properly – or sadly, improperly.

Dr. Bill Maier, noted child psychologist and one of the nation’s experts on teen-parent communications, has written a thorough but short handbook filled with practical ways to communicate with your teen and build the strong relationship that you both secretly crave. “Help! My Teen Thinks I’m the Enemy” is available through Amazon.com and Family.org . At 5.99 it’s the bargain of the decade.

While you are waiting for the book to arrive, take the first step by asking your child to sit with you for a few minutes and then openly and clearly declare your unconditional love. Let him know that you are there for him, that you desire to be part of his life, and that you will love him no matter what. Even though he probably will not respond with a flood of stories about his day or life concerns, you will have made it very clear to his hungry spirit and psyche that he is loved and cherished. This simple but powerful step is one he will always remember, and it just might be the foundation upon which a lifetime of successful communication is built.