Army, Navy Games

Even if all had gone according to plan, your response would have been wildly disproportionate. I am not a lawyer, but as I understand the criminal code, we do not put out the eyes of thieves. Or subject them to hideous facial scarring. Without a trial. Indeed, we sometimes punish those who react so ferociously. You might have a legal case against the driver who rear-ends you, but you go to prison if you shoot him. (Except in Texas. Or so say the snarky. By which I mean me.)

And if things had not gone according to plan? They seldom do. Suppose someone had a legitimate reason to open your locker: An infestation of mice in the barracks? An inconvenient decision to repaint the lockers while you were away? A little kitty inexplicably trapped inside? You would have imposed your grotesque penalty on an innocent party.

It is reasonable to install a mechanism to thwart thieves -- a burglar alarm, a packet of cash that sprays dye onto a bank robber or that classic, a stout lock -- but not to harm others in such a situation.