Phil Harris

What exactly is a Liberal anyway? He is the bleeding heart; the champion for the underdog, who is ever concerned about “the man” having too much authority over individuals. That definition must then contrast with the fat cat, money grubbing, and (nose always in my business) definition for the Conservative… right?

Nature has been the unwitting recipient of liberal, smothering-mother instincts. Global warming may be the equivalent of a child who is running a fever of 98.9 degrees. Doctor Gore’s advice to all of the fretting mother hens is that an ambulance must be called immediately.

In other cases, the mother hen analogy is insufficient. Munchausen syndrome by proxy more closely describes the effect when good intentions run amok. A great example was the hysterical effort to stop managed logging. Soon, previously healthy forests became diseased, and choked with overgrowth. Fire is nature’s way of pruning forests, but now we cannot allow the fires to burn. They become far too intense and out of control, threatening populated areas if allowed to burn unchecked.

Another case in point is provided by terrorist animal rescuers. They raided mink farms, setting thousands of the little monsters free. The slick-furred critters wasted no time, killing native species and each other as well.

Liberal busybodies might learn from such mistakes, but I suppose the lessons learned have more to do with handling bad PR, rather than rethinking misguided attitudes. Al Gore provides an example here again. Numerous rebukes have been directed his way from “real” scientists, yet these criticisms just ricochet off his thick skull and he continues to flap his yap unabated.

Then we come to a Liberal’s view of reproductive healthcare. Liberals weep, gnash their teeth, and tear their clothing while recounting the days when blood ran deep. You know… from all of those back-alley abortions that used to be performed, which resulted in a gushing tsunami of blood. This was caused by all of those hemorrhaging uteruses.

It is remarkable that we have been allowed to keep our wire coat hangers. After all, guns must be banned, because guns kill people. Since wire coat hangers are not protected under the second amendment, one would think that these surgical instruments should be kept out of the hands of amateurs. Of course, there are cases today of emergency trauma, caused by safe surgical abortions performed in safe abortion clinics. I certainly do not want to make light of such tragedies; although, choice in reproductive healthcare advocates try very hard to do just that.

Phil Harris

Phil Harris is a software engineer, author of Cry for the Shadows and blogs at Citizen Phil.

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