The savoring got him admiring. "Ahhhh, the Scots knew how to make whisky," he sighed. "And how to fight, not to mention philosophize, usually against philosophy, which somebody certainly needs to do. Hume, that's my man. Unless it's Adam Smith -- both Scottish, you know. We speak of the Enlightenment, meaning only the French one, not the real one, the Scottish one. When they weren't making whisky and philosophy, they were making money, the Scots were, like our own Alexander Hamilton, that 'bastard brat of a Scotch pedlar.' Wasn't that what crusty old John Adams called him. Lord, was old man Adams ever young at all?
"Ah, the Scots. They could buy from the Jews, sell to the Armenians, and still make a tidy profit. I fear, sir, they have fallen upon evil days, like the rest of us in love with hope and change, not valuing what has been and still is. These days, I understand, they wish to be both independent and wards of the English, much as we wish to be our own masters and in thrall to those geniuses in Washington. Bring on those earmarks! We don't want it just both ways today, no sir, but every which way."
Twirling the glass as if in admiration for the color of the dark yet light whiskey, but probably just to pass the time and punctuate a sentence, the old man paused. Much like a lawyer in his summation, just for the dramatic effect even if what followed would be of no effect whatsoever. It was what passed for a style, or used to.
"Hope and change were all the rage in the old days," the old man mused, "which were when -- about three or four years ago? Now it's despair and decline that's in -- and how we're going to manage our last act, though of course those aren't the terms used. Instead, we're told of the need to adopt Sustainable policies. For, really, there's nothing to be done. About anything, really. Except maybe hold those insufferable, pointless international conferences our celebrities much favor, and jet to with some frequency. For we've peaked, you know.
"As in Peak Oil. Remember that theory? The world was running out of petroleum and there was really nothing to be done. Except maybe manufacture solar panels, probably in China by way of Solyndra. Remember it? 'Solyndra's solar power solutions offer strong return on investment and make great business sense. Our cylindrical technology was designed for the rooftop and offers the benefit of lightweight, low cost and the fastest, easiest installation of any solar technology. In more than 1,000 installations around the world our customers are converting underutilized rooftop space into clean energy from the sun.' Those were the days, my friend, we thought they'd never end. They did, of course, like Solyndra itself. Just as soon as the government money ran out. Our money, if anybody cares. But we're not supposed to. The masterminds in Washington certainly don't."
The old man made a futile gesture at straightening his bow tie and thinning hair, cleared his ever-clogged throat, and then continued: "This election year, we're all supposed be outraged at how Mr. Romney spends his money, not by how Mr. Obama spends ours. Lower taxes, cut spending? Favor work and saving over government grants and more spending? Reform the whole tax structure to encourage investment, not punish it? Why go to all that trouble when we can just squeeze the rich a little more -- even though every Alternative Minimum Tax just passes the tax burden down to the middle class soon enough.
"It's called trickle-down taxation, and we're not supposed to notice. Instead, we yokels are to be distracted from real reform by shiny trinkets like the Buffett Rule. Quick, look over there! And the pity of it is that we do -- even while our pockets are being picked.
"Decline's the ticket now, my young friend, don't you know? Our best days are behind us. We've just got to sustain what's left, nothing more. Just like in the Carter Years, when there was nothing to be done about it all, either, except ration gas and sit around in the dark wearing sweaters and shivering. Cheers!"
The old man had reached the bottom of his glass, but not of his remarks, not quite. "Do you believe any of that, even for a moment?" he asked without expecting an answer. "We've found more oil and natural gas than ever before. Thank you, George P. Mitchell, not that anybody may know his name. Or just who invented fracking and where the hell the Barnett Shale is down in Texas.
"And, oh, yes, we're in decline all around the world, too, and must seek detente with whatever tinpot despot is riding high just now for the usual, inevitable fall. Ah, good old Detente. Does anybody dare use that word now that Kissinger and Nixon no longer bestride the globe? Allow me to submit, young sir, that it's all a crock of cheap bourbon."
After one more sip, my new friend seemed to grow reflective, and then announced: "The one definitive, ongoing refutation of the whole scientific theory of entropy is the United States of America. It keeps coming back. I wouldn't ever bet against it. We in these Southern latitudes should certainly know better than that, having tried it one fatal time."
With that, the old man set his glass down like a period at the end of a sentence. I motioned the waiter for another round, but when I turned back, the old man was gone, leaving only a kind of grinning, star-spangled presence. And the check.
Friday Document Dump: State Department Releases First Round of Clinton Emails (All 298 Of Them) | Katie Pavlich