I’m not here to write about any weighty issue of politics, the war on terror or tax reform. I’m just here to help. Buried deep in this column is a bit of advice that you would actually pay me for … so read on. Suffer through a few paragraphs of my maniacal ranting and you’ll be the better off for it … at least, if you’re planning to buy a new car.
I’m not really sure when I first became subject to the constant intrusion of the Imperial Federal Government of the United States into my personal life. Certainly, I was a little perplexed when I applied for my first Social Security card. I was only 16, but someone offered me a job setting pins at the bowling alley at the El Toro Marine Air Station in California. I had to apply for this symbol of government paternalism, or I couldn’t work, so it was off to Santa Ana to get the hideous little blue card. I just couldn’t understand why it wasn’t my responsibility, instead of the government’s, to save my own money for my own retirement. It was many years later that I realized Social Security was a vote-buying program for politicians, not a retirement income program for Americans.
When I was a little older, I decided to become agitated over a white line painted in the aisle of a bus at Walt Disney World. There was the white line, and there was a sign above the driver saying, “Federal law prohibits the operation of this vehicle with any person standing in front of the white line.” Oh, great. Somewhere, in Washington DC, there’s a sad little bureaucrat sitting behind a steel desk in a drab light green office who has decided that every bus in the entire nation must have a white line painted across the aisle and every bus driver told that he can’t budge an inch if a stray foot crosses the line. There’s no telling how many lives have been saved with this one.
OK … we’re getting closer to that advice you’ll be so thankful for.
Back to the nameless little bureaucrat and his white line. He may well be retired now, but I suspect that before he slithered out of that office in whatever government agency he worked for, he scored one more hit.
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