Neal Boortz

The very milk of human kindness and the spirit of love compel me to write this note to you.  I know that things have been a bit rough for you during the past few weeks.  I thought it might be a nice gesture if I tried to say a few things to cheer you up, or at the very least let you know that I empathize with you.

Perhaps it would help if I started out here by telling you that I did not vote for George W. Bush in 2000.  Feel better?  Well, now that we find ourselves standing on some common ground, can we talk?

Is it safe to say that we?re all in this thing together?  We do want the same things, don?t we?  We want to be safe in our homes and protected from the actions of Islamic terrorists.  We want to be free to pursue our life?s work and to use the results of our hard work for ourselves, our families and our future; and this we want to do with a minimum of government interference ? right?

So, it is from our shared goals and dreams that I ask you to accept my sincere expression of condolences for the way this campaign is turning out for you.

We?ve connected now, so you can speak openly.  I can see the pain in your eyes.  I understand.  You so-wanted to beat Bush in this election.  Beating Bush was more important than almost anything else in your life.  You don?t like his arrogance, you don?t like the way he talks, you don?t like the way he walks, and you constantly feel like he?s smirking at you.  What?s not to hate?  And on top of all this, he stole that election in Florida, right?

Yeah, sure he did.

I must tell you that I rather admire the way you?ve managed to ignore the fact that every single recount in Florida, even a recount handled by a media consortium unfriendly to Bush, showed Al Gore lost. This is all the more infuriating when you consider that Gore would have won if he had just managed to carry his home state!  But then there?s that conveniently ignored fact that the networks? call of Florida for Bush an hour before the polls closed in the heavily conservative Florida panhandle might have cost Bush as much as 12,0000 votes. 

Now you?re beginning to learn the truth about this candidate you?ve bought.  In short, you?ve discovered that you bought a lemon.  I understand.  You were so very anxious to get the primary circus over and done with, chose a champion, and ride off to battle against the forces of darkness.  You were so anxious, so eager that you drove the wrong car off the showroom floor.  You would like to return it now, but you?re too many miles down the campaign road, and there?s no lemon law in politics. 

Neal Boortz

Neal Boortz, retired after 42 years in talk radio, shares his memoirs in the hilarious book “Maybe I Should Just Shut Up and Go Away” Now available in print and as an eBook from and