9. Anti-rape laws violate Separation of Church and State. Our laws need to have a purely secular, non-religious basis. Any religious support for a given prohibition negates its validity.
10. Anti-rapists don’t care about women. Because they seldom do anything to personally stop rape from occurring, they have no legitimate basis for arguing that it should be banned.
After this column makes its rounds on the internet and gets quoted out of context, the university will be flooded with calls for my firing. And that will be sad for three reasons. First, the people calling will have failed to understand that they are reading social satire. Second, they will mistakenly assume that I give a damn what the pro-abortion UNC administration thinks about any given moral issue. Third, they will all be abortion-choice advocates completely out of touch with their own sanctimonious hypocrisy.