Mike Adams

I think Church of the Servant is a pretty bad name for a gay-friendly church. What about Church of the Master? I mean, what if a gay couple is into all those games of dominance and submission? Shouldn’t a truly diverse congregation serve both the dominant and submissive partner?

4. Lutheran Church of Reconciliation

7500 Market Street

Wilmington, NC 28411

Telephone: 910-686-4742

This is good news for Michele Bachmann – the candidate I support for president. If this church really is open to Ls, Bs, Gs, Ts, Qs, Is, and As then, surely, they will welcome ex gays (Xs), too. And if they welcome ex gays they cannot exclude someone just because they think it’s possible to become an ex gay. I think the Bachmanns have found a new path to reconciliation within the Lutheran Church!

5. First Presbyterian Church

125 South Third Street

Wilmington, NC 28401

Telephone: 910-762-6688

I think this really makes perfect sense. Presbyterians are into that whole predestination thing. The gays are into that whole gay gene thing. I think they’ve found a common thread in deterministic thinking! Well, I guess you could say it was bound to happen.

All kidding aside, the stupidity of this list of recommended churches should be self-evident – even to atheists who get gas when they see a cross near Ground Zero. Even they must admit that the University of North Carolina at Wilmington LGBTQIA Office would never be willing to take the time to come up with a list of churches for people who want to hear the two most important truths about homosexuality:

1) It is unequivocally sinful according to both the Old and New Testaments (remember St. Jude?), and 2) God wants you to avoid homosexuality because He loves you and He knows it will hurt you badly, not to mention end your life prematurely. That is why God gave you free will instead of a gay gene.

Of course, I say that the UNCW LGBTQIA Office would never be willing to come up with such a list. But it wouldn’t hurt to write them and find out (see http://uncw.edu/lgbtqia/). If they refuse, there might be a little problem with the separation of gay church and state. And we might have to add B.S. to alphabet soup of homosexual victimhood.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.