But the feminists do have a valid point about declining respect for women on college campuses. Clearly, a blind feminist occasionally finds an acorn. (And even a sexually broken feminist is right twice a day). Women are not given the respect they should be given on our college campuses. So I have included a few recommendations that will help reverse this unfortunate trend. Here are ten specific things campus feminists can do – many of which will also save taxpayers money:
1. The next time feminists sponsor The Vagina Monologues they can skip the skit called “Reclaiming (the c-word).” In this skit, they repeat this foul word, which rhymes with “runt,” in order to remove the stigma associated with it. This exercise utterly fails. It just makes feminism look gross, foul, offensive, and degrading.
2. The next time feminists sponsor The Vagina Monologues they can refrain from selling “P-pops” to those attending the event. This is a lollipop, which is shaped like a woman’s genitals and is named after a word that rhymes with “wussy.” When feminists walk around licking them they appear to be (pardon the repetition) gross, foul, offensive, and degrading.
3. The next time feminists sponsor The Vagina Monologues they can refrain from including the fake orgasm skit where women get up on stage and act like they are climaxing. At some schools, feminist professors have participated in this skit while their male students were watching. This is hardly dignified conduct. In fact, it is gross, foul, offensive, and degrading to ordinary people.
4. Cancel orgasm awareness week. The feminists at UNC-Chapel Hill seem to feel a compulsion to dedicate a week to the appreciation of female orgasms. Ladies, everyone thinks you’re idiots when you boast about your orgasmic capabilities. It’s no better than a frat boy bragging about the size of his penis. Please, keep it to yourself.
5. The “vibrator museum” erected (sorry) at UNC-Chapel Hill during orgasm awareness week must also go. The history of the vibrator is an exciting subject. Really. But this museum tends to remind people of the past, which, in turn, reminds them of the fact that feminists once had dignity and class.
6. Masturbation seminars must also go. If you are too dumb to learn to masturbate on your own then you are probably too dumb be taken seriously by anyone – even drunken frat boys.
7. Stop teaching students that there are no biological differences between men and women – that instead all differences between the sexes are “socially constructed.” If young men think that young women are just as sexed-crazed as they are then they are not likely to respect them. Why should they? Most young men do not have much respect for themselves. Why else would they seek out women who are likely to kill their babies if they should accidentally get pregnant?
8. Put the cucumbers back in the refrigerator. These campus demonstrations showing how to put a condom on a cucumber make you look ridiculous. If your seminar did not teach you that you can’t get pregnant while masturbating then you are really suffering from a severe intellectual hernia.
9. Put the giant vagina costume back in the closet, please. A few years ago, the feminists in the Women’s Center at Appalachian State University purchased a six-foot vagina costume. One of the employees put it on and went parading around campus dressed as a giant sex organ. Not too respectful, NOW is it?
10. And, finally, it’s time we did something about the “Sex Workers Art Show.” Many campus feminist politics centers – oops, I mean Women’s Centers – put on this show every year. In it strippers and porn stars engage in various activities including self-stimulation and even inserting objects into various body cavities. This does nothing to enhance respect for women. It’s hard to understand its relevance to the feminist movement until one understands the central role of sexual liberation (read: perversion) in modern-day feminist politics.
The moral of my ten recommendations can really be summarized in one sentence: If you want women to be respected stop encouraging them to act like hyper-sexualized men. Or alternately: If you want women to be respected stop encouraging them to act like frat boys.
The idea that women have a right to be respected is flawed in two fundamental ways: First, it assumes that groups, not individuals, possess rights. Second, it assumes that respect is a right and not a privilege.
If campus feminists are offended by anything I have said they can protest like these ladies did in Canada. Just put on your Sunday’s best and go to Washington, D.C. They’ll be glad to give you something - attention, respect, and maybe even a handout. It doesn’t matter what you deserve. It’s all about entitlement, NOW isn’t it?