Mike Adams

Here in the Tar Heel state, the Republicans have taken over the House and the liberals are freaking out. Thank goodness they don’t have guns. Otherwise, they’d be shooting up the campus and causing irreparable harm by injecting lead into the public water supply. One university chancellor was so freaked out she said this about the proposed Republican budgets cuts: “If the Republicans get their way we’re going to have to raise tuition by $2000. That will mean that most of the expense of higher education will have to be paid by the people who are using it - as opposed to the general public.”

That’s a frightening prospect for a liberal, now isn’t it? Just imagine a society where people have to pay for the goods and services they use instead of having “society” foot the bill. To live in such a world would make people accountable for their actions, which might actually motivate them to conserve scarce resources. And we can’t have people conserving because that sounds too much like "conservative."

(Author’s note: The word “conservative” is considered hate speech on most college campuses. I have a theory that most academic programs lack rigor because the word “rigor” sounds like another word that is banned by campus speech codes – unless, of course, you’re a black or hyphenated American).

But, of course, the chancellor was right this time – I guess a blind nut occasionally finds a squirrel. So there will be budget cuts and there will be resentment among Generation Entitlement (hereafter: Generation E) students. Therefore, I’ve come to the rescue with a plan that solves everyone’s problems. My plan helps us cut the state budget for higher education while helping to ease the resentment that will undoubtedly ensue among Generation E students.

My plan is very simple: Combine African American Studies, Gay & Lesbian Studies, and Women’s Studies into one academic program called “Resentment Studies.” I know that initially some will resent my proposal. But allow me a chance to explain my thinking with a few examples:

1.After my recent column “Rigor Please,” I received an angry email from an African American Studies major. He said he resented my assertion that his major was not rigorous. He also said he resented my use of the term “rigor” in the title of the column. There’s no sense in letting this young man just stew in his resentment. I propose letting him study his resentment so he can take full advantage of it upon graduation.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.