Mike Adams

The Dems also plan to release from prison all of those convicted of property crimes since the onset of the economic downturn in 2007. Those previously known as burglars and thieves will now be known as “wealth redistribution specialists.” After the crime rate spikes, they will be re-arrested to demonstrate the Obama administration’s commitment to law and order.

Sex educators will receive good news from the Obama administration in the coming weeks. The president will announce a five billion dollar proposal to put one million sex educators to work in the year 2010. These educators will encourage teens to experiment with sex earlier, more often, and with greater numbers of people. The administration is planning to increase funding for abortions in 2011 in order to subsidize failed attempts at birth control.

Funding for the arts will increase substantially in the next few years. This will include forms of art not traditionally subsidized by the government – such as tattoo artistry. The government will, in the meantime, give one billion dollars to a California tattoo removal program. The program will be directed primarily at former gang members.

The Obama administration plans to hire one million new workers to travel the nation dumping trash along the sides of American Interstates. Another one million workers will be hired to pick up the trash. This new initiative is expected to create two million new jobs.

Finally, the Obama administration plans to fund a new university that teaches people to write and comprehend political satire. They hope that within a few years political satire and political reality will be analytically distinguishable.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.