Mike Adams

Yes, thank you very much. Please be seated. It was a pleasure speaking to you this evening. I have a few minutes to answer some questions before I speak to the reporter for the university newspaper. Yes, you on the front row, please go ahead.

You talked a lot about expanding the marketplace of ideas during your speech and the need for open debate.

I did.

Well I was reading one of your columns about how you get erectile dysfunction every time you hear a feminist speak. How does that contribute to the marketplace of ideas? And do you really get erectile dysfunction every time you hear a feminist speak?

Well, first things first. I simply write provocative columns in order to get people who disagree with my ideas to attend my speeches. Once they show up, we can begin to have a dialogue.

But that doesn’t actually work, does it?

Sure it does.

How do you know?

I know because you’re here and we’re having a dialogue. Thanks for attending and, no, you’re not giving me erectile dysfunction. Next question, please.

You talked a lot about adoption in your speech but you did not talk about adoption for gays and lesbians. Should gays and lesbians have to stand in the back of the line when it comes time to adopt? Could you give your opinion on that?

Well you are wrong to lump gay males and lesbians together in your question. Gay males have much less stable relationships relative to lesbian couples. Gay males also have very short life expectancies. Of course, children need stability and they need parents who will be alive for a long time. So, I think that if you are a lesbian wanting to adopt, gay males should get behind you in the line. But this is a speech about feminism, not homosexual adoption, so let’s move on.

(Unintelligible)

I’m sorry but could the members of the gay and lesbian club please settle down. I know you did not like my answer but this is not Smith College. I will not allow you to disrupt this speech by switching topics altogether.

Well, before I ask my question I just want to say that it’s ironic that you give speeches on free speech and then tell people to be quiet.

(Applause from gay and lesbian club)

Actually it isn’t ironic at all. The folks who are now applauding are the ones who were interrupting you.

Well, whatever.

No, no, “whatever” isn’t good enough. These folks were rudely interrupting your free speech rights. If I interfered with your free speech rights, you would be angry. But I didn’t. I was defending your free speech rights and you’re still angry.

Well, whatever.


Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.