There have been some rumors floating around the internet suggesting I engaged in illegal drug use when I was a professional guitar player in the late1980s and early 1990s. I want to take the time to address these rumors because they are grossly inaccurate and unfair. To be specific, they are grossly inaccurate and unfair because they grossly underestimate my former involvement in illegal drug use.
In addition to smoking marijuana – sometimes laced with substances like PCP - for a number of years, I also experimented with drugs like hashish, powdered cocaine, LSD, and methamphetamines (including ecstasy). I regret my decision to use illegal drugs in my youth and I’m really sorry. Now that my past drug use is out of the way, let’s move on to Barack Obama.
I may surprise a number of people by saying that I don’t think Obama’s past drug use - including the use of powdered cocaine - in any way disqualifies him from being President. I know I’ve had no trouble refraining from illegal drug use since I joined a Christian church many years ago. I have no intention of returning to my former days as a drug-using atheist. And I’m sure Senator Obama could easily remain clean and sober for four (or eight) years if elected president of the U.S.K.K.K.A.
If any Democrats reading this column are still gasping for breath over my defense of Obama, they should probably take a few minutes to rest before reading the next paragraph, which defends his controversial spiritual advisor. I believe that the Reverend Jeremiah Wright is completely innocent of the charges of racism that have been leveled against him by Fox News and other fairly imbalanced news sources. But at first I was concerned about Reverend Wright when I heard the following assertions coming straight from his mouth (and his pulpit):
1. White people invented the AIDS virus to kill off the black race.
2. Crack cocaine was invented by white people as an excuse to lock up blacks in prison.
3. The Bush Administration is paranoid (please re-read #1 and #2).
4. We got what we deserved on 911.
5. The U.S.A. should be referred to as “G******N America” when not referred to as the U.S.K.K.K.A.
6. Bill Clinton “stuck it” to the black man the way he stuck it to Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office.
These comments - along with others too numerous to list - have led many to the conclusion that Reverend Jeremiah Wright is a racist. After listening to an interview with Senator Obama I disagree.
Obama has made it clear that such remarks from the pulpit were so sporadic that he never heard them in person. That leads me to admit that I was wrong when I previously dubbed Wright to be a racist suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. If that conclusion were correct, Wright would have made such remarks with far greater frequency – so much so that Obama could not miss them because of sporadic church attendance.
The only conclusion I can draw from Wright’s occasional screaming - while spitting and hyperventilating with his eyes glazed over from rage - is that he is high on drugs. That’s a pretty strong accusation but I guess it beats being a racist suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. And it’s really no big deal since he isn’t running for president of the U.S.K.K.K.A.
Of course the hundreds of blacks shouting, jumping up and down, and cheering Wright’s possibly drug-induced rants have no excuse. They are just a bunch of racists. And they are probably not very bright, either.
But let us get back to the subject of Barack Obama. How could he possibly be unaware that he attends church with a bunch of people who applaud with orgiastic enthusiasm such patent racism and racial separatism? And how could he be unaware that such racism has been spewed repeatedly from the pulpit of the church he attends? Is his awareness clouded by drugs? Or is he simply lying?
If Barack Obama’s answers to my questions lead to an admission that he is still using drugs I would advise him to withdraw from the 2008 presidential race and resign from his position in the Senate. If he is simply lying I would advise him to get rid of his “Change You Can Believe In” slogan and replace it with “Change You Can’t Really Believe In” or “There’s No Hope But at Least I’m Not on Dope.”
If Senator Obama is looking for a new spiritual advisor I would be glad to take the position free of charge. I could give him some sober advice that might salvage his political career. Hell, I might even change my name to Reverend Jeremiah White.