Mike Adams

The Tardy Gene. Attention seeking has been a common explanation for chronic lateness. Television star and psychologist Dr. Phil has advised – to Brittany Spears and others he is unqualified to counsel – that such strategies often backfire. A person will often make late appearances at social gatherings in order to draw attention without realizing that the attention she draws is significantly more negative than she had expected. Since it is assumed that people are not likely to make choices that bring about adverse consequences – even when those adverse consequences were unforeseen – the existence of a tardiness gene is assumed. Researchers are encouraged to begin the search for evidence of a tardiness gene before it is too late.

The benefits of the mass printing and circulation of The Journal of Genetic Rationalization can hardly be overstated. People who had previously supposed that the bad things in their lives were a consequence of bad decisions will be relieved. There will be no more guilt and stress caused by the awareness and acknowledgement of their own imperfections. And, best of all, this journal will give readers this freedom while simultaneously freeing scholars from supporting their claims with evidence.

In addition to the relief of past guilt, this new journal will provide future benefits. Readers will never have to make adjustments in their own personal conduct. The genetic rationalization is fixed and permanent. Once adopted, it might as well be coded in one’s DNA.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.