Dear Provost Frank (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I wanted to take a few minutes to thank you for the form email I received from your assistant Marty Sharp Lambert in regard to the latest round of anti-American, pro-terrorist speech by Kent State University Professor Julio Pino. In the response, Marty assured me that “Pino has had absolutely no contact with the columnist Mike Adams, according to the department chair who spoke to him.”
First of all, I am Mike Adams and I would urge some modification of your form responses when you speak directly to the person who is responsible for the flood of emails you have received over the last few days. In this case, that person would be me, the columnist currently known as Mike Adams (as opposed to, say, the artist formerly known as “Prince”).
Your assertion that Pino has had no contact with Mike Adams in no way answers the question I directed to your office last week. I asked whether Pino wrote the email that a) bears his name, and b) praises the attacks of 911 in the name of Allah – suggesting that 911 was called for under Islamic principles.
And, of course, I did not ask whether we have had “contact.” It is true that I have invited Julio Pino to go hog hunting with me in South Carolina but he refuses to respond. The very idea that you think you can get away with esoteric phrases like “has had no contact with” is really hard to believe at this late stage in the game. In fact, it really calls for the willing suspension of disbelief on my behalf.
Marty continues her form-denial by asserting that “This appears to be another case of a spoof/fake e-mail, which is under investigation by the IT people to identify its origin, if possible.” It may “appear” to be a spoof because it is so insane. But it looks just like others linked to Pino in the past.
But I’m glad you mentioned the possibility of investigating this matter to determine the origins of the email. When confronted with several of those similarly violent and profane missives (forwarded by other conservative writers) I was able to determine that they were sent from a Kent State University computer by a man using the email address (email@example.com), which, of course, belongs to Professor Julio Pino.
I really could not believe what I was seeing so I handed over the findings of my research to the FBI and to a representative in the Ohio legislature. I can’t believe Pino has not yet been arrested. Maybe you feel the same way. Or perhaps you are well-schooled in the art of the willing suspension of disbelief.