4. Julio will have trouble keeping his site up. Note the word “was” in the last paragraph. “Global War” has been shut down and Pino appears to be losing his voice. Shortly after the “Global War” blog appeared to have been hacked by a pro-American source it was shut down. Next, a similar blog called “The Base” was established. It was shut down, too. Few people will want to support a blog by Pino given that the FBI is on his tail.

5. Ann Coulter is writing a column with a stunning new revelation about Pino’s personal life. The other night I had dinner with Ann Coulter in Washington, D.C. During the meal, she referred to Pino as a “maggot.” I told Ann she really needed to stop using that word. Someone seated nearby might think she said “faggot.” She wouldn’t tell me what she’s writing – even after a few glasses of wine - but it promises to be interesting. I’m just glad my wife stopped reading my columns.

6. Fidel Castro will soon be dead. Getting the hell out of the country is really the wisest course of action for Julio Pino. Pino can’t seek asylum in a Muslim country because he did not originally take credit for “Global War.” His initial timidity should be reason enough for some young Muslim to slit his throat for being a coward. Given his past praise of Castro, returning to Cuba would make sense. But Castro’s candle is burning faster than a petit corona. Soon, the 87 mile boat ride from Miami to Havana won’t be an option.

7. Imposters will attempt to get Pino fired. Take a few moments to log on to http://juliopino.bloghi.com/. We all know that Julio is a quack job. But thumbing his nose at Kent State – the only ones defending him – would be professional suicide. Certainly, he is having his identity stolen by someone in the vast right-wing conspiracy. Perhaps I should pass this on to the boys in the Bureau, too.

In short, a lot of people are watching you, Julio. If this Jidad thing ever comes to pass, I predict you’ll end up being nothing more than somebody’s bitch. Now might be a good time to seek legal counsel from John Edwards.

Update: Shortly after he finished dinner with Ann Coulter, Dr. Adams woke up. He was lying on the couch clutching his Ann Coulter action figure. Still groggy, he pressed Annie’s belly button only to hear her say something about Brittney Spears and a dyke in rehab. For a moment, he thought he grabbed his Rosie O’Donnell Action Figure by mistake.