Mike Adams

*Recently, I wrote a column in which I mentioned (offhand) that a group of hunters I was with gave a couple of hogs to a poor black family. Someone logged on to the column thread and accused my family of being in the KKK and voting for Ross Barnett.

Problem: You don’t like it when Republicans do nice things for black people.
Solution: Accuse them of hanging out with Senator Byrd and voting for segregationist Democrats.

*Last January, I got a call from a student’s advisor. The student had told her advisor in an email that I refused to let her make up an examination after she missed for a “legitimate medical reason.” This medical problem was one of those “woman’s problems” that men don’t understand. The student had been complaining to me all semester about her period, so I was “in the know.” In fact, one time she complained all period about her period in a run-on sentence desperately in need of a period.

Needless to say, the advisor (being much more familiar with periods) took the student’s side and seemed a little miffed with the man who never menstruated. But then I hit her with a bombshell: The student had missed close to 20 class periods that semester - presumably because she had 20 periods that semester – and had previously confessed that she overslept (the 11:30 a.m. exam) due to a “broken alarm clock.”

Problem: You are constantly drunk.
Solution: Blame it on PMS (Patriarchal Menstrual Sensitivity) Disorder.

And the stories just go on and on in the age of internet defamation. One day I’m impotent, the next I’m on drugs. According to some, I’ve even fathered a lesbian Senator’s child. But what is one to do about such falsehoods?

I’ll tell you what Mike Adams is about to do. This year, I’m going to pick just one person who fails to grasp the difference between free speech and defamation. And I’m going to make a very public example of him (or her) in a way that will make even cranky old Bill O’Reilly smile.

Stay tuned for the unfolding drama. You don’t want to miss this one.

To be continued…

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.