Mike Adams

As the field of potential Republican presidential candidates looks increasingly like a field of potential Democratic presidential candidates, the “Mike Adams for President” movement seems to be gaining momentum. In fact, a new group on Face Book (“Dr. Mike Adams, The Real American Hero”) is recruiting campaign helpers as we speak. The group characterizes me as an “ultra-right wing” alternative for 2008.

But before I proceed further with my campaign, it is important that I reveal some of my more liberal tendencies. I don’t want the public to vote for someone they think is conservative but, in reality, harbors some liberal views (I’ll try to refrain from any remarks about our two recent liberal presidents – numbers 41 and 43).

So, today, it is my intention to come clean and announce a massive new government entitlement program, which will be put into effect as soon as I am elected president. The idea for my program comes from some recent exchanges I’ve had during my speeches on college campuses. When you hear these exchanges - they are paraphrased below – you will, no doubt, understand the necessity of my new taxpayer supported program.

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Student: I have a question about the Genocide Day you are proposing for February of …

Dr. Adams: Wait just a second. Did you say Genocide Day?

Student: Yes.

Dr. Adams: I did not say “Genocide Day,” I said “Genocide Awareness Day.” We are planning on protesting Planned Parenthood’s mass execution of blacks. We are not planning on killing a bunch of babies of the same race.

Student: Oh, sorry.

***

Student: I cannot believe you would tell homosexuals to just “get over it” in response to hate crimes. I mean, if someone beat me with a baseball bat and put me in the hospital because I’m gay…

Dr. Adams: I’m sorry but that isn’t what I said. If someone calls you a “fag” you should just get over it. If someone actually engages in violence with a bat, we, as a society, should charge him with attempted murder or aggravated battery. I made a clear distinction between violent and non-violent acts that you seem unable to grasp.

Try this: Go back to your seat and say “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Say it three times until you’ve calmed down. Then get back up and ask another question.

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Student: Did I just hear you say that you are a libertarian?

Dr. Adams: No.

Students: You said you had libertarian views, right?

Dr. Adams: No. I said I had libertarian economic views.

Student: Oh.

***

Student: Why do you pro-life men think that you have a right to control our bodies? Why can’t you keep your hands off my body?


Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.