Until just recently, the UNCW administration was trying to deprive me of both a) my right to appeal their decision to deny my promotion to full professor and, b) my right to a written explanation of that decision. Now, the leader of our local communist dictatorship has given me a written explanation although I am told by university officials that I have no right to use it in an appeal. In fact, here at UNC-We Hate Due Process, I can’t appeal the decision with any documents at all. There is no appellate process whatsoever.
Given that I have won several teaching awards and wildly exceeded the average productivity of my colleagues – even in refereed or “scholarly” journal publications - it was assumed by most observers that my denial would be explained on the grounds of “collegiality,” or lack thereof.
Those observers were wrong. According to the written explanation I have now received, I am deficient in all areas; teaching, research, and service.
As I sat back in my office – with my 1998 UNCW Professor of the Year Award hanging just to my left and my 2000 Faculty Member of the Year Award hanging just to my right – I read carefully the portion of the letter saying my teaching “does not satisfy the standard” of promotion to full professor. By the time I finished the letter, I was struck by an awesome realization:
THE POWERS THAT BE AT UNCW ARE PUNISHING ME FOR MY PUBLIC CRITICISM OF THE UNCW DIVERSITY MOVEMENT.
Given this new revelation, I have decided to conduct myself in a manner more consistent with the character of my colleagues and my so-called superiors. Specifically, I have decided to imitate and perhaps even surpass my colleagues in two crucial areas required for promotion to full professor: 1) Individual Cowardice, and 2) Intellectual Dishonesty.
In order to accomplish the first of these two goals, I hereby offer the following apology to my colleagues at UNCW: I am sorry for criticizing the UNCW diversity movement. I really mean that.
In order to accomplish the second goal - of matching the near-total intellectual dishonesty of my colleagues - I am going to demonstrate the sincerity of my apology by focusing only on the positive aspects of the diversity movement.
Today, I begin my new career as a diversity proponent by telling you three stories – each one about a different UNCW student whose life was forever changed by the diversity movement at UNCW.