Mike Adams

Another of my slave laborers here at UNCW was in the habit of accusing people of sexual harassment publicly, rather than through the Human Resources Department. I suggested that she avoided Human Resources because she knew all her charges were false, which was proof of her purely slanderous intentions. She responded by accusing me of sexual harassment for criticizing her. She did it in front of students outside the hearing of the HR department.

Once again, a liberal proved my point free of charge.

On another occasion, I suggested that the average feminist IQ was low enough to render the term “feminist scholar” an oxymoron. An angry feminist wrote and asked me what the term “oxymoron” meant.

Finally, I really angered a liberal student when I accused liberals being more prone to censorship than conservatives. He responded to my observation by telling me to “shut up.” Like the others, he proved my point free of charge.

The liberals have always said that white guys like me wouldn’t have a thing if it weren’t for slave labor. With all of these liberals doing things I want them to do without receiving any just compensation, I’m beginning to see their point – although they’re proving it accidentally.

So, now you know another key to my success in the court of public opinion. But please don’t tell these clueless liberals that the Thirteenth Amendment was ratified in 1865. Their historical ignorance is saving me a lot of money.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.