And the doctor wasn’t the only one changed forever by the way my grandmother handled her bout with cancer. My mother – upon hearing the doctor’s tearful account of Nell’s loving treatment of him – decided that her faith in the face of adversity was conclusive proof of the power of an Almighty. So she set about proving an important point regarding life and how to live it:
Whether a tragedy remains a tragedy or becomes a catalyst for good is entirely a function of individual free will.
And so my mother was soon collecting money door-to-door for the American Cancer Society. When I was a young boy, I remember cigarette smokers slamming the door in her face. But she just kept on going for years after her mother’s death.
And then there were the trips to the worst slums in Houston. Mom would buy a bag of groceries and just knock on someone’s door in the ghetto to deliver them unannounced. I remember the way the recipient’s faces would light up when she just walked away without asking for anything in return. She didn’t even need to open her mouth to witness to them.
Then there were the prisoners she began writing in the 1970s. I never saw their faces until 20 years later when I began visiting prisoners myself. That was when I was 32 – about 34 years after Nell died. About that time, I realized I really had known my maternal grandmother after all.
Of course, it doesn’t take a tragic death to transform a life from one of complacency to one of great works. In fact, it is a duel tragedy when we wait for a tragedy to take hold of our lives and force us to choose a life of gratitude over a life of self-pity.
And that is why I often urge people who have fallen into the habit of self-pity to try a little experiment. Variations could be adopted by my conservative atheist and agnostic readers. But, for most, I suggest they begin with a change in the way they pray.
Rather than praying to God the same way you talk to your store-bound spouse – merely listing the things you want Him to get you – you should confine yourself to enumerating the blessings you already have. In fact, you could do it in alphabetical order – picking one blessing for every letter. If you follow my advice, your only problem will be choosing between the many blessings you have but rarely even think about.
It happened to me a few nights ago when I took my own advice. There was a thanksgiving for my friends at the Alliance Defense Fund who are taking the campus cultural wars to a whole new level. Then there was one for the wonderful people at the Atlanta Young Republicans who were such wonderful hosts on my recent tour to Georgia. And, of course, there were the wonderful people at Auburn University I spoke to last week in Alabama.
By the time I reached the letter "D" - to give thanks for the three Downy Woodpeckers in my back yard - I was fast asleep. And that proves another point about life and how to live it:
Self-pity and gratitude are mortal enemies. Where one exists the other cannot. Since both are highly contagious, individuals must choose gratitude before becoming too thankless to do otherwise.
Of course, my conservative atheist and agnostic detractors might not like my prayer advice. Perhaps, someone needs to market a calendar that lists every day as Thanksgiving just for them. Regardless, I am thankful for their letters whether angry, moving, neither, or both.
Maybe my gratitude will be contagious. Only time will tell.
Rebuilding After The Riots: Ferguson Cake Shop Owner Grateful to Fellow Americans For Love and Support | Katie Pavlich