Dear (NEA Chairman) Dana Gioia:
I write to you today, not with a request, but with a demand. I’ve been sitting back patiently while the NEA has been promoting anti-Christian “art” for a number of years. In fact, one could say that I have been supporting it, too, given that my tax dollars have been spent on this garbage. And maybe I’ve been supporting it in another way by refusing to write you to express my frustration. That is, until now.
In the spirit of the “separation of church and state,” my demand is that you commission a painting – fully funded with tax dollars – that has one intention and one intention only: To offend Muslims everywhere.
This new painting will help the NEA avoid any accusations of state sponsorship of religion by insulting some religion other than Christianity. In the past, you’ve supported the “Piss Christ” and the “Elephant Dung Mary.” Now, I’m asking you to fund the “Queer Muhammad.”
For this painting, I want the artist to put the Prophet Muhammad in a pink bathrobe. I also want him holding a little toy poodle. Finally, I would like you to feature him reading a copy of “Playgirl” magazine. If you want to get daring, you can also feature him French-kissing Salmon Rushdie. Or better yet, feature him French-kissing Jacques Chirac.
Regardless of the precise form it takes, I want five million reproductions of the “Queer Muhammad” in poster form. It may sound like a large order for a first printing. But here’s what I intend to do with them:
First, I’m going to staple a “Queer Muhammad” on the door of Barbara Streisand. She’s been a real pain in the ass throughout this whole War on Terror. I want to see whether she gains some respect for George W. Bush after Islamic fascists torch her Southern California estate – all for expecting adherents to the “religion of peace” to be as tolerant of homosexuality as Hollywood liberals.
And, then, I’m heading to the Upper West Side to place a “Queer Muhammad” on the door of Michael Moore. That fat joker will be begging Charlton Heston for a gun by the time the New York City Muslims throw their first Molotov cocktail.
Next, we’re off to Colorado to the home of Ward Churchill. After I place a “Queer Muhammad” on his home, I’ll put one on his office door at the university. And, while I’m at it, I’ll hit the office doors of every anti-war professor in America.