Mike Adams
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Our campus goal is to create an environment that is fun and welcoming to all students, faculty, and staff at all times.  To that end, we decided to reschedule the dance for next week with a new theme and appropriate security coverage.

The dialogue that is taking place on campus, in offices, in meetings and through e-mail is extremely thoughtful and important both for this situation as well as helping us to move forward as an institution to improve planning, processes, and decision making.  Please continue to share your thoughts and ideas with us.

Mary Kay Kennedy
Vice President for Student Services
Champlain College
Telephone:  802-860-2703
E-mail: 
kennedym@champlain.edu
Fax:  802-860-2764

The following week the dance was held and, of course, the “Black and White” theme was dropped to appease the offended student.

If I were in Mary Kay Kennedy’s position, I would have written the following email to the student:

Dear offended student:

I am writing to inform you of your suspension from Champlain College. Before you return next semester, you will be asked to attend six weeks of First Amendment sensitivity training. You will also be asked to write the text of the First Amendment 1000 times or, instead, write the phrase “I understand that I have no constitutional right to absolute comfort” 1000 times. Choose the option that makes you feel most comfortable. Finally, you will be dropped in the middle of the Vermont woods during the month of December for one week. You will have to survive only on what you kill. You may bring whatever weapons you think (or feel) are necessary to make that happen. This will teach you self-sufficiency. If any of this is a problem, you are free to transfer to U.C. Berkeley, Brown, Princeton, or San Francisco State University. Sincerely,

Vice President for Student Services
Mike S. Adams

Next week, there is even more fun to be had at a public university in one of our southern “red states.” I hope you enjoy it. Ya’ll come back, now.

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Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.