It certainly feels good - after years of keeping it in - to state the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Those who don’t immediately accept this revelation as true can just click on the following link:
Of course, I knew that Republican women were more attractive than Democratic women, long before I saw the above link. But I didn’t know that it was proper to discuss the difference until just before my speech at Ohio University.
That was when three very attractive women came into the room to take their seats and I asked innocently “Are you ladies all Democrats who are here to heckle me?” Their blue-eyed blond leader responded with this far more intelligent question: “Do we look like Democrats to you?”
Just two days after learning that it was alright to talk about this issue, I was giving another speech in North Carolina. After the speech, my wife commented on the good looks of the young Republican women from UNC-Chapel Hill who were listening in the audience.
Of course, this is very good news. Since my wife is able to comment on the surplus of good-looking women in the GOP, that means I can, too. Of course, it also helps that she stopped reading my columns many months ago.
The public discussion of this issue will help Republicans answer some important questions. For example: “Should we assume that being gay often causes one to be a Democrat? Isn’t it more likely that the lack of exposure to attractive women causes Democrats to be gay?” And “Do Democratic women consider compliments in the workplace to be sexual harassment simply because they rarely hear them?”
But, of course, it isn’t necessary at this time to explore the many intellectual questions that flow from the observation that our women are more attractive than theirs. Instead, we must immediately begin to exploit the issue for political gain. And the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute is doing just that by publishing a calendar featuring, among others, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, and Shemane Nugent. (For ordering information, click here.)
If the Republican Party simply purchases and distributes a few million of these calendars, there is little chance that the Democrats will remain a viable party in this country for very long. Certainly, every man who is currently “independent” will change his voter registration after seeing what our party has to offer.
Of course, the only real question is whether all of those men who will soon switch to our party will stick around after learning that our women are more intelligent and self-sufficient than those in the Democratic Party. If not, they can always switch back and watch Hardball with Chris Matthews.
My attractive Republican wife says that I will get a record amount of hate mail after I run this column. But, of course, that can’t be so. Democrat women don’t care about their looks. They are far less superficial and far more principled than that. I’m not joking. I really mean that.
Mike S. Adams (www.DrAdams.org) is currently hiding in his office reading a copy of “The idiot’s guide to heavy sarcasm.” He says he’s trying to master the art of heavy sarcasm. I think he really means it.