Dear ASU Women?s Center (email@example.com):
Hello ladies. I am writing to initiate negotiations for a legal settlement that I think will be in the best interests of ASU feminists. When I saw your website, I felt immediately sexually harassed as I read the following quotes:
"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." - Gloria Steinem
"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton
"Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece." - Anonymous
"If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?" - Gloria Steinem
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women." - Nicole Hollander
"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't." - Rhonda Hansoms
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." -Maryon Pearson
According to the examples of sexual harassment listed on the ASU website, you have clearly sexually harassed me and, in fact, every other man who has logged on to the Women?s Center website. For example, ASU claims that ?telling racist, sexist, homophobic jokes that demean people because of their protected class membership? is sexual harassment.
The only way that your website?s feminist quotes cannot be considered harassment is by excluding men as a ?protected class.? However, the ASU website also says that sexual harassment can take the form of simply ?stating that people of one sex are inferior to people of the other sex or can?t perform their jobs as well as a result of their sex; labeling people and jobs due to sex or other protected class membership.? The word ?or? may be your biggest problem.
As you can clearly see, this is an open and shut case. You are all - according to your own examples ? guilty of sexual harassment. And I am obviously a victim. Of course, I now want what all victims want. In other words, I want a lot of your money.