Mike Adams

That Tuesday night, I packed the restaurant with scores of my Sigma Chi fraternity brothers. Shannon, who worked part-time at the Chi Omega House, made sure the place was packed with loud (and thirsty) sorority girls. By the end of the night, they had consumed $2100 worth of drinks. Needless to say, I had a new job.

Within three months, three bars in town were hiring us regularly. The third to hire us, the Bully III, was run by a guy named David Odom who would become a very close friend. David upped our pay to $250 per night and added a free meal to the free beer offer. By the end of the summer, fraternities were hiring us to play two-hour Bar-B-Qs for $350, free beer, and, of course, free Bar-B-Q.

Then there were the out-of-town gigs. And later on there was even Nashville. During my last full month of graduate school I was hired to play 22 of the 30 nights of April. My little experiment with capitalism let me leave graduate school weeks later with a doctorate and a pocketful of cash. I didn?t have one red cent of debt. Not a single student loan.

Most people reading this American success story already understand the basic principles that govern the occupational aspect of my philosophy of life. For those who don?t, I?ll spell it out for them:

1. Capitalism is the worst economic system ever invented, as long as you exclude all other economic systems used over the course of human history.

Of course, capitalism is not for everyone. It rewards people who are able to realistically assess their talents, just as it rewards risk-takers. It also punishes cowards, day-dreamers, and those with justifiably low self-esteem.

2. The secret to occupational happiness is tricking others into paying you to do things you would probably do for free.

Obviously, when I was in my twenties, I would have played my guitar, consumed beer, and talked to good-looking women for free. But tricking people into paying me for it was a stroke of genius. Today, I still follow the same general principle. If you don?t believe me, read some of my columns or watch one of my speeches. I am, essentially, a professional smart-aleck who makes fun of multiculturalism and political correctness. I also drum up protests and lawsuits against liberals. It?s all fun and people pay me for it. In fact, every penny I have made since the late 1980s has been made doing something I intrinsically enjoy.

3. You must continue to follow principle #2 until you save enough money to pay people to do all the things you don?t like to do.

People often ask me how long I intend to speak out and write about politically correct liberals and their crazy antics. But take a look at me. I don?t have a chauffeur to drive me around. I don?t have anyone to light my cigars, much less flick my ashes. And, tomorrow, I have to walk right out and mow the lawn in 90 degree weather.

In other words, folks, I may have a few more columns to write. But I hope you enjoyed this one because I sure enjoyed writing it. Just don?t tell anyone I would do this for free. It?ll be our little secret.

Mike S. Adams (www.DrAdams.org) will be paid handsomely to offend liberals at N.C. State University on August 30th. Go to his website for more details.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.