Mike Adams
Right now, I?m sitting on my back deck smoking a Cuban Montecristo #2. Some call it breaking the law. But since the U.S. Army rejected my offer to go to Iraq to serve as an army sniper, the least I can do is help the troops by burning valuable enemy crops.

After I finish this 52-ring by 6 1/8? figurado (and dispose of the evidence in my American-made toilet), I plan to watch that tape of Castro falling down the steps and busting his communist fanny on international television. The tape only runs about 30 seconds, butt (sorry) it is my favorite action movie, by far.

My new policy of smoking a great cigar every time a pinko commie makes an ass of himself (or herself) is going to require a whole new set of cigar recommendations. Well, here goes:

The Ashton Heritage Puro Sol Belicoso #2 is a great cigar with a Cameroon wrapper that rivals the Fuente Hemingway Classic. Though only 4 7/8? by 49, it is well worth the $8.25 retail price. It is an elegant cigar with excellent construction.

I plan to smoke this Ashton to celebrate the recent failed censorship effort of bird-watching leftist Rita Dean. Rita wrote a nasty letter to my chancellor complaining about a speech I gave on C-SPAN, which criticized (quite irreverently) the campus diversity movement. She was particularly offended when I boasted of my NRA membership on national television.

After the letter was circulated among numerous black faculty members at the university, an African American studies professor wrote me saying she was offended. But she was not offended by my speech. Instead, she was offended by the fact that the letter was being circulated among the black faculty. This, she thought, reflected the racist notion that all black people think alike and are intolerant of dissent against the diversity movement. She concluded her letter by saying the following: ?Keep doing what you?re doing? and ?don?t take no s**t off nobody.?

Looks like that one backfired, Rita. Pass the matches.

The Joya de Nicaragua Antano 1970 Churchill. This 6 7/8? by 48 ring cigar might be better classified as a double corona. It is a well-constructed cigar with a firm draw. It is also a very rich and cedary medium-bodied smoke.

I plan to smoke this one in dedication to the university staff member who complained about me to my boss in April of 2004. She said that she felt uncomfortable when I mentioned the subject matter of my columns in the workplace. This was despite the fact that she often talked about her husband?s erectile dysfunction in the office. In other words, she thinks you can make fun of a penis but not affirmative action.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.