And, of course, the car alarms went crazy when I recently suggested that all people should be required to wear a towel on their head when they arrive at any U.S. airport. I thought of the plan after I noticed a lot of white senior citizens with ?I love my grandkids? t-shirts getting searched. But I?ve never seen a Muslim with a towel wrap get the same treatment. My plan of making everyone wear a towel would force airport security personnel to start searching people with towels on their heads or stop the searches altogether.
The car alarms didn?t like that idea much either. But it?s not racism. I?m just trying to extend equal protection of the law to the airports.
And, then, there was my idea to confiscate all of the copies of the Koran at Gitmo. With all of this talk about Koran abuse, people sure have missed the point. The real wrong is not being done to the Muslims; it is being done to the atheist taxpayer. Government officials shouldn?t be handing out copies of the Koran in the first place. What are they thinking? What happened to that ?wall of separation? I keep hearing about?
The car alarms didn?t like that idea either. But it?s not racism. I?m just trying to keep up with the Supreme Court?s evolving views on the Establishment Clause. I want to be just like Sandra Day O?Connor some day. Well, sometimes I do, but I keep changing my mind.
The best part about changing ?diversity expert? to ?car alarm? is that it finally gives us guidance on what to do about Ward Churchill. Some have said that Churchill should be fired for incompetence after referring to victims of the 911 attacks as ?little Eichmanns.?
But I disagree. Ward Churchill?s job as a ?diversity expert? is to falsely accuse innocent people of racism in order to promote a liberal political agenda. That is all that the diversity movement has ever been about. And that is the sole basis for determining the competence of so-called diversity experts.
Ward Churchill is a competent ?diversity expert? just like Karl Eichmann was a competent Nazi. Come to think of it, John Wayne Gacy was a competent serial murderer and Jenna Jamison is a competent porn star.
But, of course, that doesn?t mean that the taxpayers should have to pay for competent diversity experts, any more than we should put Nazis, killers, and porn stars on the public payroll.
So, how about it, folks. Let?s not single out Ward Churchill. Let?s get rid of all these annoying car alarms. And hurry up. I?m trying to watch the Braves play the Indians.