Mike Adams

I have enclosed a $100 bill in this letter, which should give you enough money for about 2000 Xerox copies of the offensive poster. Take these 2000 copies to the next student/parent orientation after you get dressed in your man-hating feminist outfits. Make sure that you do not arrive early so the campus police are not tipped off in advance.

I have contacted a friend in Tuscaloosa who has agreed to film the entire event in case the police try to make you leave. All you have to do is start screaming if the police try to touch you. It will all be caught on film for future use.

If the police question you, just say that you recently attended the Vagina Monologues and were transformed by the experience. If any university feminists are nearby, they won't be able to figure out that you are mocking them and trying to cause a PR disaster for the university. They can't distinguish theater from reality.

Within the hour, angry calls will start to flood the office of President Witt. The parents of potential students will also begin calling other schools with a simple question: "You don't have any of them Vaginer Whar-yers' on your campus, do ya?"

I will also have my friend take some digital pictures of you to send to potential Alabama football recruits. Shortly thereafter, we will send a "hot sorority girls of Auburn" calendar to those same recruits. Once the feminism starts to interfere with the football, you might get the President's attention.

In your letter, you asked me the following question: "Would any sane parent send a daughter to Bama if they could see what was going on there in the name of diversity?" Since we both know the answer, it's time to give them a preview.

Please pardon any ms-spells or typos. It's almost 2 a.m. My back hurts and I need some sleep.

Mike S. Adams will speak at Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois on March 30th. He won't be wearing a "Vagina Friendly" button. He doesn't plan on shaving his armpits before the event.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.