Mike Adams
Dear Human Resources Director:

Recently, I gave serious consideration to filing a sexual harassment suit against a fellow employee who was talking about her husband?s erectile dysfunction in the workplace. All of her angry ranting about her husband?s lovemaking deficiencies infringes on my right to feel comfortable at all times in the workplace.

I am aware that the right to feel comfortable is not found in the United States Constitution. Fortunately, it is found in the campus diversity handbook, which trumps state and federal statutes as well as the U.S. Constitution. I learned that during Black History Month, which was previously known as February.

Last week, I talked to several attorneys (in the www.DrAdams.org legal network) about the possibility of suing the UNC system for creating a ?hostile? work environment. One of my attorneys in Philadelphia asked me to sleep on it. The decision to sue, he insisted, is not to be taken lightly. So I took his advice.

Unfortunately, before the morning light, I had a bad experience, which has caused me to rethink my ?hostile environment? lawsuit. That ?bad experience? is difficult to discuss, especially in a column that may be read by millions of people. But, since I am committed to serving the truth, here goes: I, too, am now suffering from erectile dysfunction, or ED.

Worse than the discovery that I am now suffering from ED was the subsequent realization that I have been suffering from it for several years. Ever the empiricist, I decided to record the approximate dates of my previous, shall we say, difficulties in an effort to find the root causes of my medical condition. A brief summary follows:

In 2001, I was jogging on campus when I passed a group of feminists marching in the annual ?Take back the night? event. After they marched by me shaking their fists and screaming, I first experienced ED. They certainly took back that night!

In 2002, I read the book ?Intimate Reading? by a feminist professor in the English Department at UNC-Wilmington. After I read the section about her losing her virginity at age 16 (told in graphic detail), I again experienced ED.

In 2003 (February), when campus feminists marched around stage chanting ?vagina, vagina? during the Vagina Monologues, I experienced ED again. Even worse, it happened to me on Valentine?s Day (which, by the way, is not known as VD)!

In 2003 (March), when the university hired a self-proclaimed ?queer Muslim? speaker named Irshad Manji, I experienced by most intense bout with ED. In some ways, I?m still recovering.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.