Mike Adams

After answering ?yes? to both questions, future Senator Boseman?s girlfriend (who was flown in from all the way across town) was hired for the job. The UNC-Wilmington women?s softball team has been a national powerhouse ever since. (For those seeking to file a frivolous lawsuit, the two previous paragraphs were an attempt at political humor. It was not meant to defame those involved in the hiring process).

After Boseman?s girlfriend took over the university?s softball program, a brave politician decided to go public with charges that some local politicians were using their power and influence to win government jobs for their friends. The brave politician who made the accusations of unethical conduct was none other than Julia Boseman.

Julia Boseman stood up for ethics in government by accusing local politicians of being involved in a ?good ole boys? network. The key word in that phrase is ?boys.? Clearly, Boseman was upset that not enough lucrative jobs were going to lesbians with friends in government, but instead to straight white Christian males who have never even played a game of softball. The non-lesbian who was fired after 18 years of coaching UNCW softball (and not being in a lesbian relationship with Julia Boseman) was unavailable for comment.

The Senator Boseman saga just keeps getting more interesting, doesn?t it? Unfortunately, I can?t reveal everything that I know right now because I have my hands tied with a new lawsuit. The suit has its origins in a nasty rumor circulating around town. It seems that one of the Bosemans, who insists that he is not a sperm donor (I guess that makes him a sperm hoarder), is the one who has started the rumor about me. According to my unimpeachable sources, he has stated publicly and falsely that I am an organ donor. That isn?t true. I keep all of my organs to myself, especially now that I am a married man.

But I want all of my readers to know that I?m mad as hell, and I?m not going to take this kind of abuse (even though I am a public figure). As a result of the sperm hoarder?s false and defamatory speech, I intend to file a lawsuit ?seeking compensatory and punitive damages, together with injunctive relief.? (Sound familiar?). The problem is that I cannot find an attorney. One of my attorneys is currently on his honeymoon. My other attorney, David Limbaugh, is busy finding a publisher for my second book, The Art of Cultural War: Rules for Republican Radicals. Does anyone know what John Edwards is doing for the next few months?

I suppose that, in a way, I feel sorry for Julia Boseman. While all of the ?good ole boys? are playing hardball, all she wants to do is play a little softball. Life sure is tough when you?re a lesbian millionaire.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.