Q: You can?t say ?God? in Ms. Derwin?s class, Ms. Merx. Didn?t she tell you that?
A: No, she?s in the hospital.
Q: Can we say a prayer for her?
A: Go to the office now, Shirley.
Q: I have another question about Richard Dawkins. In reference to the fossils of the Cambrian explosion, he said that ?It is as though they were just planted there, without any evolutionary history.? What did he mean by that?
A: Surely, he didn?t say that.
Q: Why are you calling me Shirley? Didn?t you just send her to the office?
A: Go to the office!
Q: Has any scientist ever manufactured a living organism from amino acid?
A: I don?t think I understand the question.
Q: Well, if it can happen by chance without science but not on purpose with science then what good is science? For that matter, what are scientists good for?
A: I think we?re having a communication problem. And stop it with the stupid puns.
Q: Sorry. My humor isn?t highly evolved. Maybe a random mutation would help to ?
A: Knock it off, Johnny.
Q: Do you think there?s such thing as a missing communication link?
A: Go to the office, Johnny.
Q: Surely, you jest.
A: Stop calling me by my first name. Call me Ms. Merx, not Shirley.
Q: My Uncle Bill owns a junkyard in Mississippi. A tornado swept through his neighborhood a few years ago. What would you say if the tornado turned a bunch of old car parts into a 1955 Chevy?
A: Well, Jethro, I would call it chance assembly.
Q: Why wouldn?t you call it a miracle?
A: I don?t believe in miracles. That is the province of religion, not science.
Q: Speaking of religion, Ms. Derwin showed us an episode of ?Cosmos.? Dr. Sagan kept saying that the Cosmos is ?all that is or ever was or ever will be.? Did he ever consider recording a musical version of that song to the tune of Gloria Patri? You know, ?As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever will be.? Maybe the closing line could be changed to ?World without God. Darwin. Darwin.?
A: Son, if you say ?God? again, I will have to send you to the office.
Q: Was that ?son? you uttered just capitalized?
A: Shut up!
Q: Ms. Derwin referred to creationism as ?demonstrably false? in one of her lectures. But, previously, she called it unfalsifiable. Which one is it?
A: That?s it. I quit. I have enough faith to believe in communism, but not nearly enough to teach you kids about evolution.
That?s okay, Ms. Merx. I struggle with my faith, too. But I sure don?t have enough to be an atheist.
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