Mike Adams

A ?women?s only party? was also sponsored by the group. There, women painted each others? bare chests and (in a strange development) took Polaroid pictures of their vaginas in the bathroom.  The ?Girls Gone Potty? video should be in stores by Christmas. It should be a hot commode-ity. (I wanted to say ?commodity? but I couldn?t flush out all of my differences with the editors).

But, of course, it isn?t fair to judge Wesleyan University by the conduct of a few overzealous vagina warriors.  It is also important to look at various speakers and programs sponsored by the university as a whole. And, not all of those activities focus on the vagina.

For example, one Wesleyan speaker (also an alumna) gave a talk at Wesleyan entitled ?My life as a feminist pornographer.? Co-sponsors of the event from the Wesleyan Queer Alliance informed the crowd that the guest speaker had ?her own signature line of butt plugs.? The school paper said that no other Wesleyan graduate had ever achieved such an ?honor.?

Instead of being a pornographer, this noted alumna had wanted to be ?a dyke activist lawyer for the downtrodden.? But she credits a professor of History (or was it herstory?) and American Studies (what, no hyphen?) for leading her into the pornography profession. You can trust that your children will get wise counsel if they attend Wesleyan University.

In addition to the signature sex toys, Wesleyan?s proud alumna started conducting sodomy workshops after graduation. There, she has even taught septuagenarians how to have anal sex.  People of all ages can depend (pun intended) on her expert anal-ysis (pun obviously intended).

And, of course, the school paper rewards the success of graduates, but only when they have really made it big. Wesleyan?s feminist pornographer was described in the school paper as ?a great model for Wesleyan students.?

Naturally, all of this talk about sodomy and vaginas has raised some concerns at Wesleyan University. In fact, some people in the university community were offended by the notion that having a vagina automatically means that you are a woman. To combat that crazy notion, Wesleyan added a trans-gendered monologue to The Vagina Monologues (TVM).   In the words of the play?s director, TVM ?is supposed to be about vaginas not only women and those two are not necessarily the same thing.?  I can?t believe that I?ve been referring to women as ?vaginas? all these years. I should have gone to Wesleyan!

The student newspaper observed that it was ?fitting? that the inclusion of a trans-gendered monologue in TVM became a ?hot issue? at Wesleyan. The paper saw an important need to correct the ?common misconceptions about the implications of having ? and of loving ? a vagina.?

I don?t know that much about the implications of having and loving a vagina. But I do know that John Wesley would be proud of Wesleyan University. They make me proud to be a Methodist.

Mike S. Adams is the author of ?Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel.?   He lives in Wilmington, NC.

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.