Mike Adams

Bucknell University. No response. I suppose that they were unable to fit me in between the ?safer sex? forum, the ?sex discussed here? forum, and the ?love your body? forum. The ?love your body? forum helps to reduce STDs and pregnancies by encouraging women to gain weight and be happy with their own bodies, regardless of what a man thinks. ?Love your body? day is often endorsed by university wellness centers, not to mention Pee Wee Herman.

Duke University. No response. Duke was apparently unable to fit me in between the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on September 1st, the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on September 15th, the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on September 29th, the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on October 13th, the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on October 27th, the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on November 10th, and the Women?s Revolutionary Knitting Forum on December 8th.. The Duke Women?s Center is committed to weaving the fabric of diversity for generations to come.

Emory University. No response.  Between the ?Creation and ritual in African ceramics? lecture, the ?Biography of a pot? lecture, and the ?Women in clay? lecture, Emory was truly busy molding the lives of their young students. But I really started to ferment when I learned that they found time for an ?African beer tasting? event.

Georgia Tech. No response. This was despite their claimed emphasis in women?s ?safety concerns.?

Princeton University. No response. They did, however, schedule an ?athletics and homophobia? lecture and a ?women of color? luncheon. Rumor has it the Princeton Women?s Center is changing its name to the Black Lesbian Pole Vaulting Center.

University of Alabama. No response.  The university had already sponsored the following eleven events for the semester: faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, faces in the mirror, and faces in the mirror. Apparently, the women needed to spend the semester in deep reflection.

The University of Massachusetts at Amherst. No response. Despite a claimed interest in ?empower(ing) women? and ?stop(ping) oppression? they seemed uninterested. Women in Massachusetts usually defend themselves by yelling ?shove it? instead of wielding a handgun.

Georgetown University. No response. Women in Georgetown feel empowered already. Hillary Clinton has a house near their campus.

Sarah Lawrence College. No response. This women?s center has hosted scores of exciting lectures over the years including the following:  "The Murder of a Pakistani Muslim Immigrant Woman in Chicago,? ?Secular Women of the Jewish Left and the Rise of Jewish Feminism,? ?The Relationship Between Lesbians and Psychotherapy,? ?Bon Bons, Lemon Drops, and Oh! Henry Bars: Candy, Consumer Culture, and the Construction of Gender,? ?A Cultural History of Gender, Class, and the American Cigarette? (talk about penis envy), ?New York African-American Lesbians and Religious Autonomy,? ?The Hidden Lesbians in the Diaries of Anne Lister,? and ?Women Hobos of the Depression.? That last one sounds like a real bummer.

North Carolina State University. Finally I got a response, indicating that N.C. state is ?unable to offer a program on gun ownership at this time? for two reasons: 1) ?the North Carolina statutes forbid guns on their college campuses? and, 2) ?statistics indicate that a lot of people who attempt to protect themselves with a gun are often killed with the gun themselves.?

Of course, I never intended to argue that women should actually carry their guns to class. But I did intend to show that the benefits of gun ownership outweigh the detriments. In others words, guns thwart crimes more often than they cause accidents.

Oh well, at least I tried. After all, most of these centers will be sponsoring the Vagina Monologues later this year. That should be enough to scare most of the men away.  So maybe they don?t need guns after all. Maybe I just need to see things from a woman?s perspective.


Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.


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