Author?s Note: Some parts of this editorial are downright offensive and all parts are downright silly.
Well, it?s happened again. Recently, one of my liberal readers wrote to chastise me for my arrogance and condescension. Of course, I?m not really arrogant and condescending but he doesn?t know that because he?s not as smart as I am. But, seriously, every time I am accused of being a know-it-all, I like to remind my readers that I am plagued by doubts just like everyone else. In fact, it seems that the more I write, the more I find that I am confronted with questions that I just can?t answer. This week, I decided to share some of those difficult questions with my readers, hoping that together we can come up with some real answers.
Yellow Porn. On April 20, 2004, the University of North Carolina at Asheville hosted a film called ?Masters of the Pillow? by Darrell Y. Hamamoto, a Professor of Asian American Studies at the University of California-Davis. For those who don?t know, Hamamoto?s cause is the ?yellow porn movement,? which he began in response to what he sees as a ?white, racist? porn industry that permeates American society. In a nutshell, he wants to see more Asians in porn movies. Is the lack of Asians in porn movies really a ?problem? in need of a ?solution?? Should we have affirmative action in the porn industry? Should there be quotas? Where did Hamamoto get his degree? In California?
Cell Phones. The other day I was in Subway standing in a line that was running all the way out the door. (I started eating at Subway shortly after I heard that Chicken McNuggets haven?t always been made out of white meat). Suddenly, a woman?s cell phone rang while she was ordering her sandwich. She actually answered the call and started arguing with her boyfriend. His name was Rupert. Assuming that it wasn?t Rupert from all-star Survivor, I think she should have waited to take the call. After hearing her say, ?but I do love you, Rupert? for the third time, I decided that something should be done about these people who are addicted to their cell phones. Shouldn?t there be a new crime called public incivility? Would it be too harsh to arrest people for public incivility? Would it be unconstitutional to execute repeat offenders?
An Interesting ?Revelation.? Last week, our university hosted a speech by former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell. The speech cost the university $40,000, although Mitchell only spoke for about an hour. That means that his fee was about $666 a minute. Could Senator Mitchell be the anti-Christ?
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