We would also like you to occasionally invite speakers from the United States to give lectures on the superiority of Middle Eastern nations over the United States with regard to issues such as civil rights. For example, we would be interested in hearing from that UNCW philosophy professor who appeared with you in a public forum shortly after the glorious 911 "terror" attacks on the United States. We particularly liked it when he stated, "Some of the extremist positions (of Islamic terrorists) are rooted in some legitimate grievances. They only see the bad sides of America, like materialism and racism." Those kinds of statements are useful in combating the ethnocentric fallacy that life in America is somehow better than life in the Middle East.
If you should accept our new position, please be apprised that we will offer you a salary increase over what you are currently making at UNCW. You will also be given a comprehensive health care package. Furthermore, you will not have any fixed office hours or work hours. You can come and go as you please with the full protection of tenure. You will also have unlimited sick days. And of course, you will be able to express your hatred for America without supporting any of your positions with "facts."
We hope you will take our offer seriously. America is a racist, sexist, homophobic, and oppressive society. We hope to rescue you from that oppression, Dr. Pollard. In return, we only ask that you do your part and help us to destroy the nation that is destroying world. Working together, there's no telling what we can accomplish.
Mike S. Adams ( email@example.com ) is an associate professor at the University of North Carolina at Wonderland (UNCW). He enjoys reading Aesop's fables.
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