Mike Adams
Dear Professor Pollard:

I am writing to invite you to apply for a new position at the newly formed University of the Middle East (UME). We are proud to announce that we have already established a new Women's Resource Center as well as a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans-gender, and Queer-Identified Life and Study Center.

Now, we are seeking professors from all around the world to help set up the new Women's Studies major, which will be established in the fall of 2004. We intend to offer students a degree in Queer Studies the following year. Truly, great things are happening in higher education here in the Middle East.

We first heard about you shortly after the "terrorist" attacks of September 11, 2001. We were particularly impressed by your characterization of America as a terrorist nation. It was an added bonus to hear you accuse the United States Government of killing 4,500 Iraqi children per week with its oppressive foreign policies. While this was the first time that we had heard that particular statistic, we did not take steps to confirm its veracity. Instead, we simply played a videotape of your remarks to Muslim children. We also forwarded copies of the videotape to those who are training to carry out future attacks on the United States. You have truly been an inspiration to us all.

Nor can we find words to express our excitement over your subsequent decision to sign a letter accusing the Israeli government of engaging in "ethnic cleansing" with regard to the Palestinian people. We also agree with the letter's assertion that the biggest threat to peace in the post-911 era is posed by the American response to "terrorism" at home and abroad. Like the videotape, the letter you signed will be used to stir up anti-Semitism and anti-American sentiment here in the Middle East. You have been right every single time you have publicly claimed to have knowledge of why people in the Middle East hate Americans. But few Americans have caught on to the fact that anti-American sentiment in the Middle East has been so effectively amplified by the rhetoric of anti-American professors in their own country.

Despite all that you have done for our cause while teaching in the UNC system, we think that you could be even more effective if you were actually teaching and conducting research here at UME. That's why we have carved out a special position for you to eventually teach in both the Women's Studies and Queer Studies departments. We hope that you will teach courses such as "Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual History in the Middle East" and "Radical Islamic Feminist Thought."

Mike Adams

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Letters to a Young Progressive: How To Avoid Wasting Your Life Protesting Things You Don't Understand.