Fine. I won't toss my must-have MAC lip conditioner -- unless the Transportation Security Administration forces me to at the airport, that is. But let this be a lesson learned, beauty barons. Your customers are not just "Desperate Housewives" cast members and unhinged friends of Madonna. It's not nice to bite the manicured hands of conservative women who feed you. Take it from a big-mouthed Fox News Channel contributor who buys lip gloss by the barrel. If you truly "respect" all of your customers, you won't go out of your way to pay sneering "provocateurs" to antagonize a substantial portion of them in the first place. The bottom line is that enhancing the bottom line should be your top priority, not enhancing your popularity in Hollywood.
Note, by the way, how reflexively hypersensitive the corporate world can be to certain politically correct segments of their consumer base versus others. Remember when Burger King withdrew a product line of ice-cream desserts based on a single complaint by a British Muslim who claimed he was offended by the swirly cone design on the container lid because he said it resembled the Arabic inscription for Allah? And remember when athletic footwear company Nike caved in to the Council on American-Islamic Relations over its nutty claim that one of the company's sneakers had a design on the heel allegedly resembling, yes, the Arabic inscription for Allah? CAIR mau-maued Nike into building three playgrounds for Islamic communities in the U.S. to atone for the claimed insult -- in addition to apologizing for any unintentional offense, agreeing to a global recall of all products carrying the design and introducing sensitivity training for Nike designers.
Can you imagine how much more militant the offended Muslim response would have been if Burger King and Nike had gone out of their way -- as MAC did -- to hire someone to deliberately provoke a significant portion of their customer base? Imagine riots and burning buildings and fatwas. It's easy if you try.
Conservative women, for their part, will deal with their figurative fat lips at the hands of MAC and mouthy Sandra Bernhard without threatening boycotts or issuing death threats. No need to withdraw "Plushglass" or build us playgrounds. A free MAC lip pencil should heal the pain just fine. I'll take mine in Cranberry.