Well, I guess I must have masochistic tendencies, because when I learned that the UNITY conference would be coming to the Beltway this year, I volunteered to bring my divisively brown-skinned self back to the gathering. I contacted UNITY program co-chair O. Ricardo Pimentel, whom I once debated on immigration issues in Tempe, Ariz., and asked if UNITY would be interested in putting me on a panel to offer my ideologically diverse views on homeland security issues. He politely passed the buck, and I never heard back from UNITY.
So, alas, I won't be joining UNITY's illusion of inclusion this year. No hard feelings. But I am hoping that some venturesome journalist will pass along my Media Diversity Test to the multicultural masses at UNITY. Test-takers get five points for every statement they mark "YES."
1. I have never voted for a Democrat in my life.
2. I think my taxes are too high.
3. I supported Bill Clinton's impeachment.
4. I voted for President Bush in 2000.
5. I am a gun owner.
6. I support school voucher programs.
7. I oppose condom distribution in public schools.
8. I oppose bilingual education.
9. I oppose gay marriage.
10. I want Social Security privatized.
11. I believe racial profiling at airports is common sense.
12. I shop at Wal-Mart.
13. I enjoy talk radio.
14. I am annoyed when news editors substitute the phrase "undocumented person" for "illegal alien."
15. I do not believe the phrase "a chink in the armor" is offensive.
16. I eat meat.
17. I believe O.J. Simpson was guilty.
18. I cheered when I learned that Saddam Hussein had been captured.
19. I cry when I hear "Proud To Be an American" by Lee Greenwood.
20. I don't believe The New York Times.
I'm sure a large number of my culturally and ideologically diverse readers would earn a perfect score, as I did. What is the average score among UNITY attendees? Take the test, my fellow journalists of "diversity," and show us your true colors.