Michelle Malkin

Who knew she'd end up marrying exactly one of those types? Sen. John Kerry fits Heinz's description to a T. Only he's Forrest Gump without the charm. Watch him on the campaign trail as he stares into a TV camera, blandly reciting his sappy aphorisms: "We need to offer answers, not just anger. We need to offer solutions, not just slogans." Right. Not just slogans.

No wonder the missus is so frosted. Her comfy life has been disrupted by the electoral ambitions of an insufficiently attentive spouse who is not only dull, but also annoyingly duplicitous. He supported the war. He doesn't. He supports the death penalty. He doesn't, sort of. He wants to end the double taxation of dividends. It's an evil tax break for the rich. He loves teachers' unions. He loves them not. Unable to bear his lies, Heinz/Heinz Kerry had a famous fit during a Washington Post interview in 2002 when Kerry denied having Vietnam War flashbacks. Mimicking her husband screaming in panic, she told reporter Mark Leibovich: "I haven't gotten slapped yet," she says. "But there were times when I thought I might get throttled."

With the help of media-savvy "handlers," Heinz/Heinz Kerry has toned down the rage -- at least temporarily. She doesn't sulk so much at campaign events and hasn't mocked her husband openly in a while. But it's clear she finds her husband's campaign an exasperating drain on her energies. Which, of course, begs the question: If his own uninspired wife can barely muster up a public showing of respect for candidate Kerry, why should voters?

Michelle Malkin

Michelle Malkin is the author of "Culture of Corruption: Obama and his Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks & Cronies" (Regnery 2010).

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